X-Men comics of May 4 2016
Follow me on Twitter (@XMenXPert). Happy Star Wars Day, May the Fourth Be With You, and so on. This would’ve been a good day to re-watch The Force Awakens, but I just did that a couple days ago. Oh well. Don’t forget that Saturday is Free Comic Book Day. But for now, comics!
Uncanny X-Men #7, by Cullen Bunn, Kan Lashley and Nolan Woodard. It starts six months ago, with Magneto feeling miserable about how poorly things are going for mutants. He sees Archangel crash into a house. Archangel’s not in good shape. Cut to the present, where Warren is preaching about cutting out sin in order to be whole. He’s cut off his own wings. In the NYC sewers, Callisto snipes a bit at Monet, who snipes back. Oh, I like these two. They’re fun together. Callisto talks about how she’s fulfilling Xavier’s dream, by bringing together humans and mutants as the New Morlocks. Though I feel she missed a branding opportunity here. It should be the All-New Morlocks. Sloppy, Callisto. Didn’t she get a memo or something? Back in wherever, Angel greets Psylocke and Magneto.
Psylocke reads Warren’s mind, and sees him in agony as his wings are removed. They follow Warren to a vault, and inside, find one of Apocalypse’s bases. And back in New York, we find out who’s making some of the Morlocks sick. This is pretty good. There’s some interesting stuff. As a Generation X fan, the Monet story interests me more, though the Apocalypse Wars tie-in story is also very good. The writing is good. The characters sound about right. Monet and Callisto sniping at each other was a lot of fun, like I said. They both do sarcasm well. Sabretooth does almost nothing in this issue, which is also nice. Because I don’t like Sabretooth and I never will. So the less I see of him, the better. Now that we’re another issue removed from Land, I don’t think I like Lashley’s art as much as I thought. It’s a bit blobbish, at times. And not overly expressive, though there’s not much call for varied expressions here. This is still a damned sight better than Land, but it’s not art I like very much. Still, overall, this is a reasonably good comic.
X-Men ’92 #3, by Chad Bowers, Chris Sims, Alti Firmansyah and Matt Milla. It starts with . . . sigh . . . the Council of Cross-Time Draculas. I know this is supposed to be a “so ridiculous it’s fun” idea. But honestly, it loops right back to being just plain ridiculous. It’s stupid. Anyway, the leader of the group says that there’s about to be a shift in the power balance on the X-Men ’92 world, where vampires will take over or whatever. Storm and her team are visiting Dracula, who obviously flirts with her, because he’s Dracula and his only modes of communication are flirts and threats. And boasts, I suppose, but those usually end up falling into one of the other categories, too. There’s a hint of the history between Storm and Dracula, with a panel of Vampire Storm surrounded by bitten X-Men, and holding Jean in her arms. No way the subtext there isn’t intentional. Dracula agrees to help Jubilee, but only if Storm becomes his bride. He reminds her he’s King of the Undead. She reminds him that she is a goddess.
She threatens to tear his castle to the ground and leave him in the sunlight for eternity if he doesn’t help. Because no matter what reality she’s in, Storm is hardcore. That is a multiversal constant. Back at the school, Artie, Husk, and Dead Girl are running from the other kids Jubilee’s already turned. Beast swoops in to the rescue, and Xavier activates the security systems to contain the kids. Jubilee rips open the doors to allow Omega Red and the vamp’ed X-Men and Russians into the school. And . . . I’m still not digging this series. I will say this: Dead Girl vs. Vampires had a ridiculous amount of potential, and that doesn’t get explored at all. The next issue had better have some of that in there, because seriously, Dead Girl vs. Undead! Other than that, though, I remain bored, because this remains far too beholden to existing stories. Hell, now even Alpha Red’s been tied into an existing story, with the reveal that he’s Dracula’s son, Janus, based on a story from the old Tomb of Dracula series. Even the original ideas aren’t actually original! Come on! I know this is loosely based on the ’90s cartoon and comics, but that doesn’t mean it can’t try to be its own thing, too, and tell its own stories. “Let’s get together an interesting cast of characters, and then just slot them into stories other people told!” No, stop doing that. It’s boring. Give us something new! Bleh.
There’s also Deadpool: Masacre #1. This was a one-shot published a couple months ago, in Spanish. Now, it’s being re-released with poorly-translated English. I’m not going to review the issue, because I don’t care. But I actually want to complain a little. The fact that it’s in poorly-translated English bugs me. Because it feels like gloating. It feels like they’re saying, “You people will buy goddamn anything if it has Deadpool’s name on the cover.” They say it’s a joke, because hey, Deadpool is irreverent and goofy and does whatever. It’s funny! But they’re still charging people, what, $4? $5? How much did they charge for a comic they intentionally made less readable? They put actual effort into making sure that the comic would be more difficult to read. The original script is in English, but rather than use that script, they went the extra steps of translating it into Spanish, then translating that back to English. So they could charge $4 for an objectively worse reading experience. It’s insulting. Which is why I’m not reviewing the issue. I do not give one cold wet shit what happens in it. It is insulting to the readers, saying the audience will buy anything with Deadpool’s name. To hell with them.
That’s all the X-Men comics. Here’s a couple other comics I want to talk about.
New Avengers #11, by Al Ewing, Gerardo Sandoval and Dono Sanchez Almara. There’s kind of a cute scene between Billy, Teddy and Wanda, where Wanda explains her wedding. She also says they shouldn’t wait for the right time before getting married, and offers to help Billy study Wicca. Also, Ewing comes up with the best description ever for Squirrel Girl:
There’s also the Plunderer, and his best henchman, Terry. The Plunderer is one of those ridiculous villains from back in the day when villains were allowed to be ridiculous. Ewing makes a lot of use of him, making him more ridiculous every time. And this fight is delightful. It is ridiculous and hilarious and just so much fun. And then there’s an awesome twist at the end. I love Ewing’s writing on this book. I hate Sandoval’s art, and it’s especially jarring after an arc by Marcus To, but damn, Ewing is having so much fun here and it’s infectious.
A-Force #5, by Kelly Thompson, Ben Caldwell and Ian Herring. Again, it’s loads of fun. There’s lot of clever dialogue. Singularity is adorable, which is really the most important thing here. We also get a Fastball Special, with Medusa throwing and She-Hulk Wolverining. This is just a really good issue, with some very cool twists and revelations. Plus, Dazzler Thor.
And The Wicked + The Divine #19, by Gillen, McKelvie, Wilson and Cowles. It’s awesome. This series is so damned good. Read it! This issue also has a URL for a WicDiv survey. I took it. It was fun. It also reminded me I’m way behind on the Writer’s Notes. I should really try to catch up.