X-Men comics of March 8 2017
Follow me on Twitter (@XMenXPert). So, I saw Logan last night. It was really good. It sure earned that R-rating. All the profanity and violence and claws through faces and shit. It probably wasn’t as gory as Deadpool. But there were at least two full decapitations. So, you know, still pretty damn gory for a superhero flick. The performances were great. Dafne Keen was fantastic as Laura. I honestly think she deserves an Oscar nomination. She was so subtle, and so good. It’s a shame the movie’s set in the future, because I would love to see more of her as Laura, but it’d be tough to do it still in the future. I also enjoyed the bickering between Logan and Xavier. It was delightful. Just a couple old guys who love each other and hate each other and keep insulting each other. What they did with Caliban was cool. I actually really liked Pierce. I know people were disappointed he wasn’t more like the comics version, but I’ll be honest, this version was so damn charming and fun that I like him more than the comics version. Anyway, Logan’s great. But now, comics!
All-New Wolverine #18, by Tom Taylor, Nik Virella, Michael Garland and Cory Petit. Kimura gets to the bunker everyone’s hiding in, and tells them to hand over Laura and Tyger Tiger. Fury refuses, and Tyger says the bunker is unbreachable. So Kimura decides she’ll just collapse the mountain it’s in. Laura comes up with a plan, and Tyger admits she has an Iron Man suit. Which is pretty great, frankly. She says she was going to return it. So, the plan. Most of the group goes out to Kimura’s ship. Gambit creates a hole with a can of beans. Once everyone’s inside, Laura flies in, in the Iron Man armour. Yes. Ironverine!
Jean takes over Roughhouse to make him punch Kimura right out of the ship, Gabby gets Bellona to stand down, and Bellona reveals Laura didn’t kill the people in that town. Turns out Laura had a very interesting way of controlling herself.
Neat! Laura’s innocent! She and Kimura fight, but I won’t spoil how that goes. Except to say that it is intense. And that calling her X-23 isn’t an option any more. She’s Laura. Not X-23. Never again X-23. This is a great issue. Seeing her friends supporting her is really nice. It’s a nice reminder of how far she’s come. Gabby and Bellona have a really nice scene together that shows the bonds between them. Laura and Angel have a moment that’s a really cute callback to a scene from the first issue. And the confrontation between Laura and Kimura is definitely intense. Kimura’s been haunting Laura for a long time. Without spoiling anything, this is where Laura stops being afraid of her. The art’s really good. Really exciting action, and really strong dramatic moments. Ironverine looks great. Great job on the colours, by Garland. He’s been a very important part of this series, and I hope he sticks around forever. This series remains the highlight of the X-line.
Old Man Logan #19, by Jeff Lemire, Filipe Andrade, Jordan Boyd and Cory Petit. Logan breaks into the Cellar, a super-prison. He wants into the lower levels, where the occult and supernatural criminals are kept. Then, a flashback to 9 days earlier, when Logan asked Illyana to take him back to his time. Illyana declined, noting that time travel rarely goes well for the X-Men. She’s not wrong. Spider-Miles shows up to stop him. Miles comments that he’s tired of Hero vs. Hero stories. Haha, that’s funny! That’s really funny! It’d be even funnier if it wasn’t coming from the co-writer of Inhumans vs. X-Men. You’ll see why I say that when you read my review of the final issue of that steaming pile of shit. Lemire, you don’t get to write one of the most insultingly bad Hero vs. Hero stories, and then make jokes about how bad Hero vs. Hero stories are. That’s bullshit. Anyway, Miles asks if he can help Logan, and we see the people who’ve already refused to help, including Beast, Doom, Shaman, Wanda, Cable, Black Panther, Wiccan and Dr. Strange. Anyway, aside from Lemire’s idiotic attempt at being cute, this is a really good issue. Some exciting action, and the scene with Illyana was really good, as she tries to talk him out of returning to his time. He’s weighed down by a feeling of responsibility to the baby he left behind, but she thinks he should forget what he lost, and focus on what he has. It’s nice. Illyana’s a good kid. I like the art a lot. I know Andrade’s divisive, but I love his style. And I think it actually works well for Old Man Logan, because it’s rough and raw and a little dirty and gritty. The colours do a lot to enhance that. So, yeah, good comic.
IvX #6, by Charles Soule, Jeff Lemire, Leinil Francis Yu, Gerry Alanguilan, David Curiel and Clayton Cowles. The X-Men and the Inhumans fight. Crystal takes out Magneto early with a boulder to the face. Emma and the Cuckoos take over Johnny and three Nuhumans. Naja takes out Storm, who’s possessed by Mosaic, so that doesn’t work out too well for the Inhuman side. Emma puts her diamond hand through Black Bolt’s chest. It’s not through the heart, which means it obviously isn’t lethal, but it’s still pretty awesome. The X-Men bring reinforcements, then Ahura shows up with Inhuman reinforcements. Iso explains to Medusa the situation, with the Terrigen cloud about to kill all mutants. Medusa agrees to destroy the cloud. With that done, Emma thinks they should keep attacking the Inhumans. Teen Scott reveals the truth about what happened to Adult Scott, and Emma brings in some Sentinels, which kill a bunch of unnamed Inhumans, just to show that she’s completely crazy and evil now. She even telepathically controls Magneto into helping her, including making him say “Emma was right.” Because this book is so subtle guys can you see how subtle it is it’s so subtle. Ugh. On a side note, Medusa steps down as Queen of Attilan, and Iso decides to set up elections. Good. Down with monarchies. I’m fine with them as figureheads, but real power should go to the people. Anyway, this sucks. The whole event. Shitty event. Because there’s no subtlety to it. The fact that Medusa immediately decides, as soon as she knows what’s going on, too eliminate the cloud, just paints the X-Men as paranoid and reactionary idiots. It means this entire conflict was their fault. Which is stupid, and it’s insulting to X-Men fans. And it could’ve been such an interesting story. An exploration of how dedication to one’s culture can lead to a person becoming indifferent to the suffering of people from another culture. An event where Medusa wrestles with how willing she is to destroy something central to her entire culture? That would have made for great reading. Have her spend most of the event saying there has to be another way. Some Inhumans saying they need to to preserve the cloud, while others say it’s not worth mutants dying. And then you have the X-Men questioning how far they’re willing to go for survival, with Emma pushing for straight-up eliminating the Inhumans if that’s what it takes, and others arguing that they can’t kill, even if it means their own deaths. And then the finale would still have Medusa make the decision to eliminate the cloud. As it is, the Inhumans are, straight-up, unquestionably, undeniably the good guys, while the X-Men are, unquestionably, the bad guys. The X-Men are the villains of this event about them trying not to die. How fucking tone-deaf do you have to be to make a story where a marginalized group fighting for their very survival are unequivocally the villains of the piece? How does that happen? What kind of complete asshole thinks that’s a good idea? It is ridiculous. It’d be like a story where the premise is that gay people get assaulted routinely, so a group of gay people get together and beat up some random bunch of black people, and then those black people save the gays from being beaten. You don’t paint the victims as antagonists. But that’s what happened with this event. There is absolutely no question, at all, that X-Men were completely, entirely, 100% in the wrong. There is not even a single bit of doubt on that. Because we see, as soon as any of the Inhumans know what’s going on, they immediately choose to help. Including Medusa. Her immediate decision to destroy the cloud means that the X-Men never needed to attack the Inhumans. If they’d just gone to her at the start and said, “Hey, we got two weeks before the cloud kills us all,” she would have said, “Well shit, OK, you do what you gotta do.” So the entire fight was entirely pointless, and it was entirely the choice of the X-Men to attack the Inhumans for no reason, and the Inhumans are all perfect little fucking darlings with clear consciences and who are clearly way more moral and ethical than those stupid X-Men. Fuck this entire event. Steaming pile of shit with no subtlety that turns victims into villains. Fuck this shit.
That’s the X-titles, here’s other stuff.
Unbeatable Squirrel Girl #18, by Ryan North, Erica Henderson, Rico Renzi and Travis Lanham. Koi Boi and Chipmunk Hunk are about to fight a thug, but a bunch of nuts are dropped on the guy’s head. By FLYING SQUIRREL GIRL. Apparently, it took her a lot of work to gather all the nuts up, but it was worth it. She comes up with the idea of getting flying suits for them, too. (We also learn that Chipmunk Hunk’s original superhero name was the Handsome Puncher. So I think we need him to get a sidekick with that name. His very own legacy character.) Melissa Morbeck agrees to give them flying suits, and then talks to Doreen and Nancy. Nancy asks all sorts of questions about what Melissa did with Alfredo while she was recently in Europe. This line of questioning leads to the reveal that Melissa is a bad guy. Doreen gets Nancy away, and continues her chat with Melissa, who is an awesome villain. As always, it’s wonderful. Really fun. Really cute. Nancy is awesome, and if she ever gets tired of computer science, she clearly has a career as an interrogator. Melissa’s a great villain and I really like her. She has an interesting take on power and responsibility. A take I don’t agree with, but which does make sense. It gives her a lot of depth. Also, after the letters pages, we continue the story of Alfredo the Chicken and Chef Bear. It’s thrilling stuff. I love this series.
Silver Surfer #9, by Dan Slott, Mike and Laura Allred and Joe Sabino. Norrin and Dawn explore a four-planet system. The first planet’s atmosphere has been destroyed, leaving it frozen. The second planet is covered in garbage. The third has severe acid rain. The last planet is a utopia. The people there ruined the last three planets, but are certain they’ve learned their lessons. They’re shocked when they find out that Dawn wants to use the washroom, but take her to the Facilities. One dude reports to Countess Crankshaft, an old woman who seems kinda cranky, and she’s with another dude from off-world. Dawn and Norrin are shown around the planet, and are really impressed with it. But then it turns out all the people are holograms. And they’ve turned Dawn into a hologram. Another weird, wonderful issue. Not the most original idea, but executed in a really interesting, effective way. There’s some really good emotional moments. The writing and art continue to work perfectly together. This is such an amazing series, and if you’re not reading it, you really are missing out. For all that jackasses try to dismiss it as “Dr. Who fanfic,” it’s far more than that, it’s a truly wonderful series that’s filled with wonder and joy and sadness and so many feels. So many feels.
Power Man & Iron Fist #14, by David Walker, Sanford Greene, Lee Loughridge and Clayton Cowles. 19 days ago, Tombstone got Black Talon to bring Mr. Fish back from Hell. 17 days ago, Alex Wilder got a spell working. Now, Luke, Danny and Senor Magico are fighting a bunch of people on some drug that makes them violent and strong. They take the people down and bring them to Night Nurse (Linda Carter), and it turns out the drug has magic in it, which is possessing users’ souls. At Wilder’s HQ, Jennie tells Mariah she has a bad feeling about the whole operation, but Mariah tells her things are going great. Luke and Danny go to Dr. Voodoo, who has a theory Alex is putting demon blood in the drug. And that Alex is trying to become the Grandmaster of Street Magic. Tombstone and Fish are looking for Alex, but having no luck. Another solid issue. Less gang war, more magic plot. Which is cool.
Mosaic #6, by Geoffrey Thorne, Bruno Oliveira, Emilio Lopez and Joe Sabino. The Brand building Morris’ body is in was blown up last issue. Now, as the fire department tries to put it out, Morris possesses a tech who’s part of a team checking on all the people in storage in the basement. His body’s in a steel pod. Before he can get his body out, Lockjaw pops in. Morris possesses him, and Lockjaw’s thought processes sure make a case for him being a dog. He teleports around, including popping by to see Ms. Marvel, who tells him to to to Attilan. He leaves Lockjaw’s body, and comes across Johnny Storm, and it turns out they know each other. They met at a thing in Rio with Flamenco girls. Ah, Johnny. So Johnny introduces Morris to the others. And also shows Morris how to become visible! And then Morris gets sent on a mission during Civil War II. Yeah, this story is that far back. This is a good issue. Shows how Morris met the Inhumans, and joined them. Also, it shows why possessing animals is a bad idea for him. It’s interesting stuff. The stuff with Johnny was actually pretty funny. Showing off an invisible man, with the others wondering if he’s crazy. It’s funny stuff. The art’s good. I’m used to Randolph’s art on this book, and Oliveira’s pretty different. But it’s not bad. It’s a good art style. It works well here. Lockjaw looks great. It’s a good-looking issue. I just like when comics have their own distinctive art, by keeping a single artist. But a change-up now and then is cool. So, yeah, this is still a good series. I’m still enjoying it.
The Wicked + The Divine #27 starts cruel. And gets worse. So, pretty standard WicDiv, really. Different layout from usual – a loooooooot of 8-panel pages. Which definitely gives a snapshot feeling that’s cool.